Love of my life.

* Time line…

1990: I fell in love with a guy way too close to me.
1991-92: Back and forth mailing keeping in touch.
1993: I walked down the aisle with the same guy in my 15th b-day.
        Totally happy…
1995: First visit to Florida. First thing I see… the guy.
        I tell him something at Universal studios but nothing clear.
1996: His first visit to PR. First thing I see… the guy.
1998: He suddenly gets married.
        Depression started.
        Suddenly I fail all my classes at college.
1999: Summer: First kid was born.
2000: He joins the ARMY. Gets sent to Europe w/ his family.
         I keep writing him as always.
        Second kid is born.         
2001: Third kid is born.
        Summer: I go to Europe to see him.
        Already married w/ kids I become a Titi [aunt].
2002-03: He is back on United States.
              He tells me there are some signs of divorce.       
2004: Worst valetine day ever.
        Felt suicidal at one point w/ a razor in my hand.
        Talked to him in Thanksgiving.
        On Christmas I finally tell his sister that I am in love w/him.
        She thinks it happen on the Europe trip. If she knew.
        Then few days later I call him.
        Tell him the same after all this years w/out saying so in an email.
        At least he doesn’t reproach me a thing.
        Reality checks IN… in the form of my mother…
        But it doesn’t go through my mind.
2005: Still he tries to save his marriage. Told him to do so.
        He invites me to his house for summer…. didnt went. *sigh*
2006: Second signs of divorce. This time they seem more clear and real.
2007: Finally he gets divorce for his own good and the kids.
2008: He gets married again.
        I saw him yesterday.
        He is finally happy.
        First time that seen him did not felt like before.
        I am happy for him.
        July: I try to start over.

* I know I will regret this someday. *sigh………….*
I have to say that some of this details are pretty personal. Not even my family know about this. I always wondered if I ever really loved him or felt like I needed to love him. Whatever!

Love of my life – Erika badu and Common 


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